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3 Steps That’ll Help You Take Back Control of Your Life Immediately

The key to finding “enough” is recognizing that the root of the problem is a question of self-esteem and deservedness

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How to build self worth
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“It’s never enough.”

I’ve been hearing that phrase more and more from my clients these days. They’re successful, driven people. They’ve had a clear path in life, dedicating themselves to their career, their business, or a sport. 

Each and every one of them reaches goal after goal, hitting higher and higher levels of achievement each time.

Yet, it seems like it’s never enough; they feel the need to go further, reach higher. They start comparing themselves not to their peers, but to those further along in their career. They are always looking up the ladder, never able to appreciate how much they’ve achieved. 

All this leaves them in an uncomfortable position – they can’t ever enjoy their success. Taking time away from their career or business becomes a terrifying prospect, worried they may fall behind. 

They have a hard time taking vacations, always on their phone and checking their email when they should be enjoying the beach. Their health suffers, their relationships suffer. It seems as though chasing goal after goal is all that matters in life.

The Batman Syndrome

What I’ve found in almost all cases is that each one has a “Batman Origin Story,” an intolerable situation growing up, whether living in a chaotic household, lacking financial or other resources, or just being different and never able to connect.

At some point, they developed a talent that gave them a way out, – sports perhaps, or entrepreneurship, or a skill that got them a good career. They dragged themselves out of a dire situation and have been running from it ever since.

Billionaire entrepreneur Andrew Wilkinson wrote about this dynamic in his recent book, “Never Enough.” Andrew grew up in a relatively poor family, where money was a constant source of stress and conflict. 

He reasoned that if he could make enough money, that would solve all those problems. He worked his way up from being a barista making $6 per hour to becoming a billionaire, but that stress and anxiety he felt never went away. 

More than that, he saw the same issues in his peers making 10s to 100s of millions of dollars per year. 

Alex Hormozi, another successful entrepreneur whose portfolio of companies make over $500 million per year in revenue, often talks about building a stack of “undeniable proof” that you are who you say you are. Somehow, that stack is still never big enough.

It’s About Measuring Up

Why does this happen? The key to finding “enough” is recognizing that the root of the problem is a question of self-esteem and deservedness.

To counteract feeling like we’re not good enough –to prove to ourselves that we do deserve things, that we are valued – we find something we’re good at and get to work honing our skill. We set goals to measure our progress and work hard to reach them. 

Unfortunately, that feeling never goes away. No amount of success seems enough. We keep moving the goalposts, however, if the target keeps moving, there’s no way to ever reach the end. No way to win that game.

Key Steps to Finding Self-Worth

We need to find a different way to measure up, to be deserving, without relying on external measures. Here’s how.

  1. Recognize that your past environment isn’t a reflection of you. When we can’t get what we need growing up, it’s not about what we deserve. It’s about what was available in our environment, whether that’s love and support, money, or something else entirely. We’re dependent on our parents to provide those things, and often they’re just not equipped to do so. Nothing we could have done would have changed that. It’s not about us.
  2. It’s up to us to decide our value and what we deserve. Who chooses the goals we are chasing? Who chose how to measure our success? Who decides which opinions about us we’ll pay attention to? The answer is we decide. Even when we allow others to judge us and our worth, it’s still us making that decision. Others cannot decide what we deserve, only what they’ll give us.
  3. Contrary to popular belief, self-esteem and self-worth do not come from accomplishments. Stop measuring your value by past circumstances and beliefs and make the choice to live your life based on who you truly are, not the victim of your past.

Psychology talks about having an internal or external locus of control. By chasing goals and external measures of worth, we’re placing control of our lives outside of ourselves. 

By taking that power back into our hands, by making our worth and deservedness a choice we make, we take back control of our lives.

Ryan Christensen shares his expertise in unlocking human potential. Specializing in peak mental focus and performance, with a background in intelligence operations and certifications in advanced hypnosis, he has helped hundreds of high-achievers transform their limiting beliefs, eliminate self-sabotaging behaviors, and unlock their true potential. His new book, Winner Peace: How to End Inner Conflict and Make Success Inevitable, offers a revolutionary approach to ending inner conflict, releasing the power of the subconscious mind, and making success inevitable. Learn more at ryanthehypnotist.com.

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Life

9 Harsh Truths Every Young Man Must Face to Succeed in the Modern World

Before chasing success, every young man needs to face these 9 brutal realities shaping masculinity in the modern world.

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harsh truths for young men
Image Credit: Midjourney

Many young men today quietly battle depression, loneliness, and a sense of confusion about who they’re meant to be.

Some blame the lack of deep friendships or romantic relationships. Others feel lost in a digital world that often labels traditional masculinity as “toxic.”

But the truth is this: becoming a man in the modern age takes more than just surviving. It takes resilience, direction, and a willingness to grow even when no one’s watching.

Success doesn’t arrive by accident or luck. It’s built on discipline, sacrifice, and consistency.

Here are 9 harsh truths every young man should know if he wants to thrive, not just survive, in the digital age.

1. Never Use Your Illness as an Excuse

As Dr. Jordan B. Peterson often says, successful people don’t complain; they act.

Your illness, hardship, or struggle shouldn’t define your limits; it should define your motivation. Rest when you must, but always get back up and keep building your dreams. Motivation doesn’t appear magically. It comes after you take action.

Here are five key lessons I’ve learned from Dr. Peterson:

  • Learn to write clearly; clarity of thought makes you dangerous.

  • Read quality literature in your free time.

  • Nurture a strong relationship with your family.

  • Share your ideas publicly; your voice matters.

  • Become a “monster”, powerful, but disciplined enough to control it.

The best leaders and thinkers are grounded. They welcome criticism, adapt quickly, and keep moving forward no matter what.

2. You Can’t Please Everyone And That’s Okay

You don’t need a crowd of people to feel fulfilled. You need a few friends who genuinely accept you for who you are.

If your circle doesn’t bring out your best, it’s okay to walk away. Solitude can be a powerful teacher. It gives you space to understand what you truly want from life. Remember, successful men aren’t people-pleasers; they’re purpose-driven.

3. You Can Control the Process, Not the Outcome

Especially in creative work, writing, business, or content creation, you control effort, not results.

You might publish two articles a day, but you can’t dictate which one will go viral. Focus on mastery, not metrics. Many great writers toiled for years in obscurity before anyone noticed them. Rejection, criticism, and indifference are all part of the path.

The best creators focus on storytelling, not applause.

4. Rejection Is Never Personal

Rejection doesn’t mean you’re unworthy. It simply means your offer, idea, or timing didn’t align.

Every successful person has faced rejection repeatedly. What separates them is persistence and perspective. They see rejection as feedback, not failure. The faster you learn that truth, the faster you’ll grow.

5. Women Value Comfort and Security

Understanding women requires maturity and empathy.

Through books, lectures, and personal growth, I’ve learned that most women desire a man who is grounded, intelligent, confident, emotionally stable, and consistent. Some want humor, others intellect, but nearly all want to feel safe and supported.

Instead of chasing attention, work on self-improvement. Build competence and confidence, and the rest will follow naturally.

6. There’s No Such Thing as Failure, Only Lessons

A powerful lesson from Neuro-Linguistic Programming: failure only exists when you stop trying.

Every mistake brings data. Every setback builds wisdom. The most successful men aren’t fearless. They’ve simply learned to act despite fear.

Be proud of your scars. They’re proof you were brave enough to try.

7. Public Speaking Is an Art Form

Public speaking is one of the most valuable and underrated skills a man can master.

It’s not about perfection; it’s about connection. The best speakers tell stories, inspire confidence, and make people feel seen. They research deeply, speak honestly, and practice relentlessly.

If you can speak well, you can lead, sell, teach, and inspire. Start small, practice at work, in class, or even in front of a mirror, and watch your confidence skyrocket.

8. Teaching Is Leadership in Disguise

Great teachers are not just knowledgeable. They’re brave, compassionate, and disciplined.

Teaching forces you to articulate what you know, and in doing so, you master it at a deeper level. Whether you’re mentoring a peer, leading a team, or sharing insights online, teaching refines your purpose.

Lifelong learners become lifelong leaders.

9. Study Human Nature to Achieve Your Dreams

One of the toughest lessons to accept: most people are self-interested.

That’s not cynicism, it’s human nature. Understanding this helps you navigate relationships, business, and communication more effectively.

Everyone has a darker side, but successful people learn to channel theirs productively into discipline, creativity, and drive.

Psychology isn’t just theory; it’s a toolkit. Learn how people think, act, and decide, and you’ll know how to lead them, influence them, and even understand yourself better.

Final Thoughts

The digital age offers endless opportunities, but only to those who are willing to take responsibility, confront discomfort, and keep improving.

Becoming a man today means embracing the hard truths most avoid.

Because at the end of the day, success isn’t about luck. It’s about who you become when life tests you the most.

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Change Your Mindset

The Four Types of Happiness: Which One Are You Living In?

Most people chase success only to find emptiness, this model reveals why true happiness lies somewhere else.

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In a world driven by rapid technological growth and constant competition, many people unknowingly trade joy for achievement. (more…)

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Change Your Mindset

The Secret Daily Routines Behind History’s Most Brilliant Thinkers

Uncover the daily rituals and hidden habits that powered history’s most brilliant minds to success.

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Why Daily Rituals Matter

Every great achiever has one thing in common: discipline. Behind the novels, inventions, discoveries, and masterpieces are small, consistent habits repeated daily. (more…)

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Finances

From Debt to Financial Independence: A Practical Roadmap Anyone Can Follow

It’s about having control over your money and not letting money control you.

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The 21st century has brought incredible opportunities but also new challenges. Rapid technological change, global uncertainty, and shifting lifestyles have made many people think more deeply about financial freedom. (more…)

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