Connect with us

Life

3 Steps That’ll Help You Take Back Control of Your Life Immediately

The key to finding “enough” is recognizing that the root of the problem is a question of self-esteem and deservedness

Published

on

How to build self worth
Image Credit: Midjourney

“It’s never enough.”

I’ve been hearing that phrase more and more from my clients these days. They’re successful, driven people. They’ve had a clear path in life, dedicating themselves to their career, their business, or a sport. 

Each and every one of them reaches goal after goal, hitting higher and higher levels of achievement each time.

Yet, it seems like it’s never enough; they feel the need to go further, reach higher. They start comparing themselves not to their peers, but to those further along in their career. They are always looking up the ladder, never able to appreciate how much they’ve achieved. 

All this leaves them in an uncomfortable position – they can’t ever enjoy their success. Taking time away from their career or business becomes a terrifying prospect, worried they may fall behind. 

They have a hard time taking vacations, always on their phone and checking their email when they should be enjoying the beach. Their health suffers, their relationships suffer. It seems as though chasing goal after goal is all that matters in life.

The Batman Syndrome

What I’ve found in almost all cases is that each one has a “Batman Origin Story,” an intolerable situation growing up, whether living in a chaotic household, lacking financial or other resources, or just being different and never able to connect.

At some point, they developed a talent that gave them a way out, – sports perhaps, or entrepreneurship, or a skill that got them a good career. They dragged themselves out of a dire situation and have been running from it ever since.

Billionaire entrepreneur Andrew Wilkinson wrote about this dynamic in his recent book, “Never Enough.” Andrew grew up in a relatively poor family, where money was a constant source of stress and conflict. 

He reasoned that if he could make enough money, that would solve all those problems. He worked his way up from being a barista making $6 per hour to becoming a billionaire, but that stress and anxiety he felt never went away. 

More than that, he saw the same issues in his peers making 10s to 100s of millions of dollars per year. 

Alex Hormozi, another successful entrepreneur whose portfolio of companies make over $500 million per year in revenue, often talks about building a stack of “undeniable proof” that you are who you say you are. Somehow, that stack is still never big enough.

It’s About Measuring Up

Why does this happen? The key to finding “enough” is recognizing that the root of the problem is a question of self-esteem and deservedness.

To counteract feeling like we’re not good enough –to prove to ourselves that we do deserve things, that we are valued – we find something we’re good at and get to work honing our skill. We set goals to measure our progress and work hard to reach them. 

Unfortunately, that feeling never goes away. No amount of success seems enough. We keep moving the goalposts, however, if the target keeps moving, there’s no way to ever reach the end. No way to win that game.

Key Steps to Finding Self-Worth

We need to find a different way to measure up, to be deserving, without relying on external measures. Here’s how.

  1. Recognize that your past environment isn’t a reflection of you. When we can’t get what we need growing up, it’s not about what we deserve. It’s about what was available in our environment, whether that’s love and support, money, or something else entirely. We’re dependent on our parents to provide those things, and often they’re just not equipped to do so. Nothing we could have done would have changed that. It’s not about us.
  2. It’s up to us to decide our value and what we deserve. Who chooses the goals we are chasing? Who chose how to measure our success? Who decides which opinions about us we’ll pay attention to? The answer is we decide. Even when we allow others to judge us and our worth, it’s still us making that decision. Others cannot decide what we deserve, only what they’ll give us.
  3. Contrary to popular belief, self-esteem and self-worth do not come from accomplishments. Stop measuring your value by past circumstances and beliefs and make the choice to live your life based on who you truly are, not the victim of your past.

Psychology talks about having an internal or external locus of control. By chasing goals and external measures of worth, we’re placing control of our lives outside of ourselves. 

By taking that power back into our hands, by making our worth and deservedness a choice we make, we take back control of our lives.

Ryan Christensen shares his expertise in unlocking human potential. Specializing in peak mental focus and performance, with a background in intelligence operations and certifications in advanced hypnosis, he has helped hundreds of high-achievers transform their limiting beliefs, eliminate self-sabotaging behaviors, and unlock their true potential. His new book, Winner Peace: How to End Inner Conflict and Make Success Inevitable, offers a revolutionary approach to ending inner conflict, releasing the power of the subconscious mind, and making success inevitable. Learn more at ryanthehypnotist.com.

Advertisement
Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Life

How Learning the Skill of Hope Can Change Everything

Hope isn’t wishful thinking. It’s a state of being and a skill that has profound evidence of helping people achieve success in life

Published

on

Hope as a skill
Image Credit: Midjourney

Hope isn’t wishful thinking. It’s a state of being and a skill that has profound evidence of helping people achieve success in life.

Wishful thinking, on the other hand, is like having dreams in the sky without a ladder to climb, having a destination without a map, or trying to operate a jet-engine airplane without instructions. It sounds nice but is impossible to realize. You don’t have what you need to make it happen!

What Real Hope Is

Real hope is actionable, practical, and realistic. Better yet, it’s feasible and can be learned.

One popular approach is Hope Theory. This concept is used by colleges to study how hope impacts students’ academic performance. Researchers found that students with high levels of hope achieve better grades and are more likely to graduate compared to those with less hope.

Hope can be broken down into two components:

  1. Pathways – The “how to” of hope. This is where people think of and establish plans for achieving their goals.
  2. Agency – The “I can” of hope. This is the belief that the person can accomplish their goals.

Does Hope Really Work?

According to Webster’s Dictionary, hope as a noun is defined as: “desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in fulfillment.”

As humans, we are wired to crave fulfillment. We have the ability to envision it and, through hope, make it a reality.

My Experience with Hope

For 13 years, I was a hopeless human. During my time working at a luxury hotel as a front desk agent earning $11.42 per hour, I felt the sting of hopelessness the most.

The regret of feeling my time was being stolen from me lingered every time I clocked in. Eventually, I decided to do something about it.

I gave myself permission to hope for something better. I began establishing pathways to success and regained agency by learning from self-help books and seeking mentorship.

Because I took action toward something I desired, I now feel more hope and joy than I ever felt hopelessness. Hope changed me.

Hope Actually Improves Your Life

Wishful thinking doesn’t work, and false hope is equally ineffective. Real hope, however, is directly tied to success in all areas of life.

Studies show that hopeful people tend to:

  • Demonstrate better problem-solving skills
  • Cultivate healthier relationships
  • Maintain stronger motivation to achieve goals
  • Exhibit better work ethic
  • Have a positive outlook on life

These benefits can impact work life, family life, habit-building, mental health, physical health, and spiritual practice. Imagine how much better your life could be by applying real hope to all these areas.

How to Develop the Skill to Hope

As acclaimed French writer Jean Giono wrote in The Man Who Planted Trees:
“There are also times in life when a person has to rush off in pursuit of hopefulness.”

If you are at one of those times, here are ways to develop the skill to hope:

1. Dream Again

To cultivate hope, you need to believe in its possibility. Start by:

  • Reflecting on what you’re passionate about, your values, and what you want to achieve.
  • Writing your dreams down, sharing them with someone encouraging, or saying them out loud.
  • Creating a vision board to make your dreams feel more tangible.

Dreams are the foundation of hope—they give you something meaningful to aspire toward.

2. Create an Environment of Hope

  • Set Goals: Write down your goals and create a plan to achieve them.
  • Visualize Success: Use inspirational quotes, photos, or tools like dumbbells or canvases to remind yourself of your goals.
  • Build a Resource Library: Collect books, eBooks, or audiobooks about hope and success to inspire you.

An environment that fosters hope will keep you motivated, resilient, and focused.

3. Face the Challenges

Don’t avoid challenges—overcoming them builds confidence. Participating in challenging activities, like strategic games, can enhance your problem-solving skills and reinforce hope.

4. Commit to Wisdom

Seek wisdom from those who have achieved what you aspire to. Whether through books, blogs, or social media platforms, learn from their journeys. Wisdom provides the foundation for real, actionable hope.

5. Take Note of Small Wins

Reflecting on past victories can fuel your hope for the future. Ask yourself:

  • What challenges have I already overcome?
  • How did I feel when I succeeded?

By remembering those feelings of happiness, relief, or satisfaction, your brain will naturally adopt a more hopeful mindset.

Conclusion

Hope is more than wishful thinking—it’s a powerful skill that can transform your life. By dreaming again, creating a hopeful environment, facing challenges, seeking wisdom, and celebrating small wins, you can develop the real hope necessary for success in all aspects of life.

Let hope guide you toward a brighter, more fulfilling future.

Continue Reading

Life

The 5 Stages of a Quarter-Life Crisis & What You Can Do

A quarter-life crisis isn’t a sign you’ve lost your way; it’s a sign you’re fighting for a life that’s truly yours.

Published

on

By

what is a quarter life crisis
Image Credit: Midjourney

The quarter-life crisis is a well-defined set of stages—Trapped, Checking Out, Separation, Exploration, Rebuilding—one goes through in breaking free from feelings of meaninglessness, lack of fulfillment, and misalignment with purpose. I detail the stages and interweave my story below. (more…)

Continue Reading

Life

Here’s The Thing About Learning, Unlearning, and Relearning

Stop hoarding and start sharing your knowledge and wealth for the benefit of humankind

Published

on

sharing your knowledge
Image Credit: Midjourney

Few people have the habit of hoarding their wealth without spending.  However, it limits their motivation as they tend to get into their comfort zones.  When people start spending money, then there will be depletion in their coffers. (more…)

Continue Reading

Life

Rewiring Your Brain for Success: Quick Techniques to Shift Your Mindset Today

Success depends not only on external factors but also on the way you think

Published

on

how to shift your mindset
Image Credit: Midjourney

Did you ever think you could never be successful? Can only the chosen people with incredible talents, a wealthy family, or fortunate circumstances be successful? Believe us if your answer is yes; it only seems that way. (more…)

Continue Reading

Trending