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The Two Ways of Growing: Filling and Leaping

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The deeper I went into personal development and different schools of thoughts, the more I realized that all of them are right. That made me crazy. Because I was trying to find definite answers to the questions that don’t have one, I just went in circles, never finding the answers I was seeking.

But then, it all came to me in a single moment. It’s not about what is right, it’s about what’s right in that specific moment. It’s just like mental models—  they’re not right or wrong, but the situation where you use them makes it so.

One of those answers I looked for was whether you change yourself incrementally, day by day, and by slowly changing your habits, or if you have to make massive leaps forward where that one moment just propels you forward. I had both of these and they’re both true but only when applied in the right situation.

Below you’ll understand how you will recognize those situations to make the most of them:

1. The First Way of Growing: Filling

Imagine the filling as a progress (experience) bar of your character. You are on level one and your experience bar tells you the number 0/745. Your job at this point is to fill the bar all the way up to 745/745. You do this by slowly gaining experience from doing quests in the game. In real life, you do this by stacking habits and slowly changing your day to day operations.

Simply going to the gym once won’t make you healthy (it’s just 3 experience’s in your experience bar). But if you go 120 times this year (three times a week), you will become fit (360 experience’s in your experience bar). The same thing applies to running, reading books, and writing. It’s about incrementally changing the way you run your day to day operations and you do that by changing your habits.

I did this in my life by reading 20 pages of a book a day (45 books per year), writing 500 words a day (over 400,000 written), going to the gym three times a week and starting my own business.

When you fill the experience bar, and you’re at 745/745, that doesn’t mean you’ll automatically hit the next level. You’ll need something different to hit the next level and it’s leaping.

“Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.” – Jim Rohn

2. The Second Way of Growing: Leaping

This way of growing is less available than the filling one. It only activates itself once the experience bar is full and you need to get to the next level. So what happens here?  

When the experience bar is full, your body and mind unlock a special mode of insights where a single spark, a glitch, can make you experience what the old Eastern people used to call Satori moments.

Satori moments are moments of deep insight where you feel one with everything. Time stops for you and suddenly you have clarity of mind, thought, and action. Everything in your life makes complete sense and if it doesn’t, you look at those things as something foolish which you can easily discard.

The best way to give you an earthly example of this is when a person stops smoking because they just witnessed the birth of their first child or saw the lungs of a hardcore smoker. They do it in an instant because the strength of the moment changed them.

Their old self died to give place for a new self to grow. This is how you get to the next level. After the moment passes and you take away everything that you can from it, it’s time to get back to the first way of growing: filling. You leaped forward to the next level only to find yourself at 0/890 experience bar. It’s time to fill it back up.

To do this, you’ll have to apply different habits. You analyze and see what this experience bar requires from you. Because what got you here won’t get you there. So you take a different set of habits and apply them until you fill the bar again. Once you do, the satori moment kicks in and you are at level 3.

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle

Growth is a Circle

There is no growth without the eagle’s perspective, which is the holistic approach toward life, where you suddenly have an insight because you saw the forest. But also, there is no growth without the worm’s perspective where you see the day to day operations and tend to them. Growth requires both and it comes in circles.

What do you need to do to grow to the next level? Is it filling or leaping? Comment below!

Bruno Boksic is an expert habit builder who was covered in the biggest personal development publications like Lifehack, Addicted2Success, Goalcast, Pick The Brain. If you want to build life-long habits, Growthabits is the first place to visit.

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Success Advice

Inside the TikTok Resume Hack That’s Fooling Recruiters (For Now)

A viral TikTok resume trick promises interviews overnight, yet one wrong move could blacklist you from future jobs.

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Life

9 Harsh Truths Every Young Man Must Face to Succeed in the Modern World

Before chasing success, every young man needs to face these 9 brutal realities shaping masculinity in the modern world.

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Image Credit: Midjourney

Many young men today quietly battle depression, loneliness, and a sense of confusion about who they’re meant to be.

Some blame the lack of deep friendships or romantic relationships. Others feel lost in a digital world that often labels traditional masculinity as “toxic.”

But the truth is this: becoming a man in the modern age takes more than just surviving. It takes resilience, direction, and a willingness to grow even when no one’s watching.

Success doesn’t arrive by accident or luck. It’s built on discipline, sacrifice, and consistency.

Here are 9 harsh truths every young man should know if he wants to thrive, not just survive, in the digital age.

1. Never Use Your Illness as an Excuse

As Dr. Jordan B. Peterson often says, successful people don’t complain; they act.

Your illness, hardship, or struggle shouldn’t define your limits; it should define your motivation. Rest when you must, but always get back up and keep building your dreams. Motivation doesn’t appear magically. It comes after you take action.

Here are five key lessons I’ve learned from Dr. Peterson:

  • Learn to write clearly; clarity of thought makes you dangerous.

  • Read quality literature in your free time.

  • Nurture a strong relationship with your family.

  • Share your ideas publicly; your voice matters.

  • Become a “monster”, powerful, but disciplined enough to control it.

The best leaders and thinkers are grounded. They welcome criticism, adapt quickly, and keep moving forward no matter what.

2. You Can’t Please Everyone And That’s Okay

You don’t need a crowd of people to feel fulfilled. You need a few friends who genuinely accept you for who you are.

If your circle doesn’t bring out your best, it’s okay to walk away. Solitude can be a powerful teacher. It gives you space to understand what you truly want from life. Remember, successful men aren’t people-pleasers; they’re purpose-driven.

3. You Can Control the Process, Not the Outcome

Especially in creative work, writing, business, or content creation, you control effort, not results.

You might publish two articles a day, but you can’t dictate which one will go viral. Focus on mastery, not metrics. Many great writers toiled for years in obscurity before anyone noticed them. Rejection, criticism, and indifference are all part of the path.

The best creators focus on storytelling, not applause.

4. Rejection Is Never Personal

Rejection doesn’t mean you’re unworthy. It simply means your offer, idea, or timing didn’t align.

Every successful person has faced rejection repeatedly. What separates them is persistence and perspective. They see rejection as feedback, not failure. The faster you learn that truth, the faster you’ll grow.

5. Women Value Comfort and Security

Understanding women requires maturity and empathy.

Through books, lectures, and personal growth, I’ve learned that most women desire a man who is grounded, intelligent, confident, emotionally stable, and consistent. Some want humor, others intellect, but nearly all want to feel safe and supported.

Instead of chasing attention, work on self-improvement. Build competence and confidence, and the rest will follow naturally.

6. There’s No Such Thing as Failure, Only Lessons

A powerful lesson from Neuro-Linguistic Programming: failure only exists when you stop trying.

Every mistake brings data. Every setback builds wisdom. The most successful men aren’t fearless. They’ve simply learned to act despite fear.

Be proud of your scars. They’re proof you were brave enough to try.

7. Public Speaking Is an Art Form

Public speaking is one of the most valuable and underrated skills a man can master.

It’s not about perfection; it’s about connection. The best speakers tell stories, inspire confidence, and make people feel seen. They research deeply, speak honestly, and practice relentlessly.

If you can speak well, you can lead, sell, teach, and inspire. Start small, practice at work, in class, or even in front of a mirror, and watch your confidence skyrocket.

8. Teaching Is Leadership in Disguise

Great teachers are not just knowledgeable. They’re brave, compassionate, and disciplined.

Teaching forces you to articulate what you know, and in doing so, you master it at a deeper level. Whether you’re mentoring a peer, leading a team, or sharing insights online, teaching refines your purpose.

Lifelong learners become lifelong leaders.

9. Study Human Nature to Achieve Your Dreams

One of the toughest lessons to accept: most people are self-interested.

That’s not cynicism, it’s human nature. Understanding this helps you navigate relationships, business, and communication more effectively.

Everyone has a darker side, but successful people learn to channel theirs productively into discipline, creativity, and drive.

Psychology isn’t just theory; it’s a toolkit. Learn how people think, act, and decide, and you’ll know how to lead them, influence them, and even understand yourself better.

Final Thoughts

The digital age offers endless opportunities, but only to those who are willing to take responsibility, confront discomfort, and keep improving.

Becoming a man today means embracing the hard truths most avoid.

Because at the end of the day, success isn’t about luck. It’s about who you become when life tests you the most.

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The Four Types of Happiness: Which One Are You Living In?

Most people chase success only to find emptiness, this model reveals why true happiness lies somewhere else.

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