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How Defining Success is the Key to Being Successful

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Could you imagine getting into a car, planning to go somewhere, and yet have no idea as to when you’ve arrived? This seems absolutely ridiculous. How could you get anywhere without being aware of the destination? Yet, the truth is, this is how many of us work towards success. We have the idea in our mind that we’d like to be successful, but there is no clear picture of what this success would be. In other words, we have no destination.

I played college baseball, so this failure to define success was quite evident within myself. Before a game, I would say that I wanted to play well, as most athletes do. But what I failed to realize was what playing well truly meant. Without pinpointing what a successful day would be, I’d be lost in all the ways it went wrong. As a result of having no clear definition of success, I succumbed to all sorts of negative forms of thinking. 

Like clockwork, I could always find areas where I fell short. However, that all changed once I learned a valuable skill. As a result of learning how to define success, I freed myself from much of my perfectionism and anxiety, along with developing a clear picture of what it meant to be successful. 

What Does it Mean to Define Success?

Success is truly subjective. We should never allow anyone else to determine what it means for us to be successful. What is important is how we view success. What does it mean to you to be successful? Operating off the definition of success described by someone else is where much of our stress and anxiety can come from. 

The way we define success is of our own choosing. Up until I realized what it meant to define success, I was operating off the definitions of others. I saw success largely as a comparison to those around me. While this can be seen as a productive way to operate, especially in a competition fueled environment like sports, it actually hinders performance. 

Constant comparison of ourselves to others pulls our focus away from the processes we must follow to actually achieve peak performance. In order to attain our goals and reach what we deem to be successful, first we must define success.

“Define success on your own terms, achieve it by your own rules, and build a life you’re proud to live.” – Anne Sweeney

Goal Setting Procedure

When thinking about how to set goals in order to define success, there are two types to take into consideration: large goals and small goals. 

Large Goals – Large goals are the ones that take a significant amount of time to accomplish. These typically operate under the time frame of years but can sometimes be months. This large amount of time allows for all the necessary actions to unfold that lead to the successful achievement of the goal. 

Small Goals – The next type of goals we must focus on are the small, process goals that seek to achieve the larger one. These are the activities we do on a daily basis. 

The reason they are referred to as process goals is because they are not outcome oriented. When we set a large goal, it is mainly based on an external outcome. It may take the form of a number on a scale, landing a certain job, finishing the season with a specific number of wins, or earning a targeted income. However, focusing on the end result is a key distractor that causes us to never actually achieve our goal. So, enter process goals as the solution. Here you have the habits that you trust will lead you on the path towards your desired outcome.

How to Define Success

We can use the concept of large and small goals to help us define success in any area of our lives. What I would like to do is provide you with an outline you can use to easily define success for yourself. 

Step 1: Define Your Large Goal

The first step in defining success will be to outline your goal. Think about the goal setting procedure discussed above. You want to split your goals into two categories: large and small goals. In this step, you want to be thinking in terms of a large goal. We should always be working towards an outcome we desire, and this step gives us the opportunity to define what that will be. A good rule of thumb when defining your large goal is to make it as specific as possible. This way, you will know exactly when it has been achieved. 

Step 2: Focus on Process Goals

Here is where we really get into the best way defining success helps us become successful. Once a large goal is set, it is now time to focus on the smaller process goals that will get you there. By setting process goals, you will be able to state whether each day was a success. That is where the process of defining success truly becomes powerful.

When defining success using process goals, you want to focus on two areas: mindset and physical goals. These are going to be goals you set which are completely in your control. That way, you can be sure to accomplish them. 

Mindset Goals

Setting mindset goals involves declaring how you want your mental state to be. This can be done for a game, a practice, a meeting, or simply a whole day. Here are some examples of great mindset goals:

  •     Stay confident and positive no matter the result.
  •     Repeat affirmations three times today.
  •     Feel gratitude.
  •     Remain focused on my responsibilities.
  •     Desire success instead of fearing failure.

Each one of these is something we are all capable of achieving, making them fantastic mindset process goals.

“Without dreams and goals there is no living, only merely existing, and that is not why we are here.” – Mark Twain

Physical Goals

Setting physical goals involves outlining and defining how you want to behave from a physical standpoint. It may seem like physical goals are more designed for athletes, but we all can focus on physical process goals to help us define success. Here are some examples of physical process goals:

  •     Walk with my chest up to feel confident. 
  •     Go to the gym for one hour. 
  •     Look everyone in the eye when I talk to them. 
  •     Read for 30 minutes. 
  •     Write 1,000 words.

So, as you can see, these physical goals involve any activity that is necessary on the path towards your goal. By defining mindset and physical process goals, you will have a clear picture of whether your day was a success. Focusing and trusting your process goals will provide you with the opportunity to feel confident and successful each day. This will put you in a great position to achieve the ultimate success you desire. 

Eli Straw is the founder of Success Starts Within and has an M.S. in psychology. Eli's goal is to provide valuable performance psychology information to the public, and help individuals optimize their lives. If you would like to read more articles written by Eli, you can view them here. You can follow Eli on Twitter at @straw_eli. If you would like to learn more about how you can benefit from mental performance coaching, feel free to email Eli at elistraw@successstartswithin.com.

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In workplaces around the world, there’s a growing gap between employers and employees and between superiors and their teams. It’s a common refrain: “People don’t leave companies, they leave bad bosses.”

While there are, of course, cases where management could do better, this isn’t just a “bad boss” problem. The relationship between leaders and employees is complex. Instead of assigning blame, we should explore practical solutions to build stronger, healthier workplaces where everyone thrives.

Why This Gap Exists

Every workplace needs someone to guide, supervise, and provide feedback. That’s essential for productivity and performance. But because there are usually far more employees than managers, dissatisfaction, fair or not, spreads quickly.

What if, instead of focusing on blame, we focused on building trust, empathy, and communication? This is where modern leadership and human-centered management can make a difference.

Tools and Techniques to Bridge the Gap

Here are proven strategies leaders and employees can use to foster stronger relationships and create a workplace where people actually want to stay.

1. Practice Mutual Empathy

Both managers and employees need to recognize they are ultimately on the same team. Leaders have to balance people and performance, and often face intense pressure to hit targets. Employees who understand this reality are more likely to cooperate and problem-solve collaboratively.

2. Maintain Professional Boundaries

Superiors should separate personal issues from professional decision-making. Consistency, fairness, and integrity build trust, and trust is the foundation of a motivated team.

3. Follow the Golden Rule

Treat people how you would like to be treated. This simple principle encourages compassion and respect, two qualities every effective leader must demonstrate.

4. Avoid Micromanagement

Micromanaging stifles creativity and damages morale. Great leaders see themselves as partners, not just bosses, and treat their teams as collaborators working toward a shared goal.

5. Empower Employees to Grow

Empowerment means giving employees responsibility that matches their capacity, and then trusting them to deliver. Encourage them to take calculated risks, learn from mistakes, and problem-solve independently. If something goes wrong, turn it into a learning opportunity, not a reprimand.

6. Communicate in All Directions

Communication shouldn’t just be top-down. Invite feedback, create open channels for suggestions, and genuinely listen to what your people have to say. Healthy upward communication closes gaps before they become conflicts.

7. Overcome Insecurities

Many leaders secretly fear being outshone by younger, more tech-savvy employees. Instead of resisting, embrace the chance to learn from them. Humility earns respect and helps the team innovate faster.

8. Invest in Coaching and Mentorship

True leaders grow other leaders. Provide mentorship, career guidance, and stretch opportunities so employees can develop new skills. Leadership is learned through experience, but guided experience is even more powerful.

9. Eliminate Favoritism

Avoid cliques and office politics. Decisions should be based on facts and fairness, not gossip. Objective, transparent decision-making builds credibility.

10. Recognize Efforts Promptly

Recognition often matters more than rewards. Publicly appreciate employees’ contributions and do so consistently and fairly. A timely “thank you” can be more motivating than a quarterly bonus.

11. Conduct Thoughtful Exit Interviews

When employees leave, treat it as an opportunity to learn. Keep interviews confidential and use the insights to improve management practices and culture.

12. Provide Leadership Development

Train managers to lead, not just supervise. Leadership development programs help shift mindsets from “command and control” to “coach and empower.” This transformation has a direct impact on morale and retention.

13. Adopt Soft Leadership Principles

Today’s workforce, largely millennials and Gen Z, value collaboration over hierarchy. Soft leadership focuses on partnership, mutual respect, and shared purpose, rather than rigid top-down control.

The Bigger Picture: HR’s Role

Mercer’s global research highlights five key priorities for organizations:

  • Build diverse talent pipelines

  • Embrace flexible work models

  • Design compelling career paths

  • Simplify HR processes

  • Redefine the value HR brings

The challenge? Employers and employees often view these priorities differently. Bridging that perception gap is just as important as bridging the relational gap between leaders and staff.

Treat Employees Like Associates, Not Just Staff

When you treat employees like partners, they bring their best selves to work. HR leaders must develop strategies to keep talent engaged, empowered, and prepared for the future.

Organizational success starts with people, always. Build the relationship with your team first, and the results will follow.

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