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Imposter Syndrome Is Rooted in Your Past But Here’s How You Can Rewire It

Imposter syndrome is most prevalent in highly successful women

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Imposter syndrome is “the persistent inability to believe that one’s success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one’s own efforts or skills.”

Practically speaking, for me this tends to manifest as a feeling of inadequacy when faced with new challenges or opportunities. For others, it can show up as attributing their success to luck, which causes them to feel like a fraud for being so highly respected or sought after (despite how hard they’ve worked to get there).

If you’re familiar with the research on this topic, you’ll already know that imposter syndrome is most prevalent in highly successful women. This is due to “everyday interactions, systemic inequities, and societal biases which create environments that make people feel they don’t belong, especially women and minorities” (Caitlin Bell, psychologist and copywriter).

A finding that is often overlooked, though, is the fact that highly critical and pressurising family dynamics can also “lay the groundwork” for imposter syndrome even before these systemic issues are encountered.

With this in mind, here are a list of ways that women can leverage inner child work to both heal from and overcome imposter syndrome:

1. Heed your inner child’s voice

According to Amma Acheampong (counsellor and psychotherapist), “It’s the younger self that is at the core of your imposter syndrome and reacting in the here and now.”

This awareness is a crucial first step in escaping the influence of the highly critical parental figures that you may have encountered as a child.

2. Validate your experiences

Since the seeds of imposter syndrome are typically established in childhood, an important next step is to “link your inner child’s negative voice to your early experiences thereby validating them” (Amanda Bakare, Cognitive Behaviour Therapist).

Another key step in the validation process, according to Bakare, is “looking at your current limiting beliefs and trying to understand the impact that they have on you.”

This is essential for discovering the root cause of your imposter syndrome so that you can take the next steps necessary to heal from it.

3. Commit to breaking the cycle

Once you’ve validated your experience, it’s time to commit to breaking the negative cycles that you identified.

In line with Ms. Bakare’s advice, this requires you to ask yourself questions like: “What areas do I want to change in terms of how I experience imposter syndrome? Can I change it? What might that change look like?”

4. Draw a distinction between your past and present

Since imposter syndrome is the younger self reacting in the here and now, according to Bakare, an important step to breaking the cycle is making “a distinction between the then and the now.”

That reaction, she says, “is like a faulty alarm.”

This can be achieved by realising that, although your current situation may bear some similarities to your past, they are not exactly the same. In this way, “the work is in finding a way to retune and recalibrate your alarm.”

5. Flip the script

According to Ms. Acheampong, the process of retuning and recalibrating the alarm sounded by your inner child can be as simple as asking questions like: “What do you feel you needed as your younger self?”

In order to answer this question, Bakare suggests rescripting strategies such as visualising yourself as “that child in that room crying because you felt like mummy wouldn’t be proud unless you succeeded, for example. Then, going in as your older self and telling yourself all the things that you know now that can comfort your younger self.”

This can also be achieved in written form: “You can write a letter to your younger self, again as your older self, describing what you’ve been through, how things have maybe turned out better on the other side, and that they’re not as bad as you thought they would be as a child.”

Acheampong adds that some people may find it easier to do this by thinking instead of advice that they’d give the children currently in their life (e.g. a goddaughter, niece or biological children).

“Then, once they’ve thought about what they could say to that child, they can think about how they can extend that advice and compassion to themselves.”

By taking these steps, you can heal from and ultimately overcome the “self-doubt and perfectionist tendencies…linked to imposter syndrome” (Caitlin Bell) so that you can navigate your life with freedom and confidence.

Imposter syndrome is most prevalent in highly successful women, especially those with intersectional identities that further marginalise them.

Coming from a highly critical or pressurising family dynamic can also contribute to the development of imposter syndrome.

With this in mind, women can leverage inner child work to both heal from and overcome it by heeding their inner child’s voice, validating their experiences, committing to breaking the cycle and more, as detailed above.

Nina Dafe is the founder and CEO of The Far Above Rubies Collection. An award winning content marketer, freelance writer and international speaker, Nina has shared the stage with powerhouse women such as Danielle Scott (Volleyball Olympian and TEDx speaker) and the legendary Sally-Ann Roberts (former WWL-TV New Orleans news anchor). She uses her prolific thought pieces to dismantle the patriarchal, racial and limiting belief systems that stop women thriving in life and business. As such, she is a regular contributor to Black Ballad and her work has also been featured in Thrive Global, The TEDx blog, HuffPost, Bustle, Mic and more. You can find out more about her at: Faraboverubiescollection.com

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Life

9 Harsh Truths Every Young Man Must Face to Succeed in the Modern World

Before chasing success, every young man needs to face these 9 brutal realities shaping masculinity in the modern world.

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Image Credit: Midjourney

Many young men today quietly battle depression, loneliness, and a sense of confusion about who they’re meant to be.

Some blame the lack of deep friendships or romantic relationships. Others feel lost in a digital world that often labels traditional masculinity as “toxic.”

But the truth is this: becoming a man in the modern age takes more than just surviving. It takes resilience, direction, and a willingness to grow even when no one’s watching.

Success doesn’t arrive by accident or luck. It’s built on discipline, sacrifice, and consistency.

Here are 9 harsh truths every young man should know if he wants to thrive, not just survive, in the digital age.

1. Never Use Your Illness as an Excuse

As Dr. Jordan B. Peterson often says, successful people don’t complain; they act.

Your illness, hardship, or struggle shouldn’t define your limits; it should define your motivation. Rest when you must, but always get back up and keep building your dreams. Motivation doesn’t appear magically. It comes after you take action.

Here are five key lessons I’ve learned from Dr. Peterson:

  • Learn to write clearly; clarity of thought makes you dangerous.

  • Read quality literature in your free time.

  • Nurture a strong relationship with your family.

  • Share your ideas publicly; your voice matters.

  • Become a “monster”, powerful, but disciplined enough to control it.

The best leaders and thinkers are grounded. They welcome criticism, adapt quickly, and keep moving forward no matter what.

2. You Can’t Please Everyone And That’s Okay

You don’t need a crowd of people to feel fulfilled. You need a few friends who genuinely accept you for who you are.

If your circle doesn’t bring out your best, it’s okay to walk away. Solitude can be a powerful teacher. It gives you space to understand what you truly want from life. Remember, successful men aren’t people-pleasers; they’re purpose-driven.

3. You Can Control the Process, Not the Outcome

Especially in creative work, writing, business, or content creation, you control effort, not results.

You might publish two articles a day, but you can’t dictate which one will go viral. Focus on mastery, not metrics. Many great writers toiled for years in obscurity before anyone noticed them. Rejection, criticism, and indifference are all part of the path.

The best creators focus on storytelling, not applause.

4. Rejection Is Never Personal

Rejection doesn’t mean you’re unworthy. It simply means your offer, idea, or timing didn’t align.

Every successful person has faced rejection repeatedly. What separates them is persistence and perspective. They see rejection as feedback, not failure. The faster you learn that truth, the faster you’ll grow.

5. Women Value Comfort and Security

Understanding women requires maturity and empathy.

Through books, lectures, and personal growth, I’ve learned that most women desire a man who is grounded, intelligent, confident, emotionally stable, and consistent. Some want humor, others intellect, but nearly all want to feel safe and supported.

Instead of chasing attention, work on self-improvement. Build competence and confidence, and the rest will follow naturally.

6. There’s No Such Thing as Failure, Only Lessons

A powerful lesson from Neuro-Linguistic Programming: failure only exists when you stop trying.

Every mistake brings data. Every setback builds wisdom. The most successful men aren’t fearless. They’ve simply learned to act despite fear.

Be proud of your scars. They’re proof you were brave enough to try.

7. Public Speaking Is an Art Form

Public speaking is one of the most valuable and underrated skills a man can master.

It’s not about perfection; it’s about connection. The best speakers tell stories, inspire confidence, and make people feel seen. They research deeply, speak honestly, and practice relentlessly.

If you can speak well, you can lead, sell, teach, and inspire. Start small, practice at work, in class, or even in front of a mirror, and watch your confidence skyrocket.

8. Teaching Is Leadership in Disguise

Great teachers are not just knowledgeable. They’re brave, compassionate, and disciplined.

Teaching forces you to articulate what you know, and in doing so, you master it at a deeper level. Whether you’re mentoring a peer, leading a team, or sharing insights online, teaching refines your purpose.

Lifelong learners become lifelong leaders.

9. Study Human Nature to Achieve Your Dreams

One of the toughest lessons to accept: most people are self-interested.

That’s not cynicism, it’s human nature. Understanding this helps you navigate relationships, business, and communication more effectively.

Everyone has a darker side, but successful people learn to channel theirs productively into discipline, creativity, and drive.

Psychology isn’t just theory; it’s a toolkit. Learn how people think, act, and decide, and you’ll know how to lead them, influence them, and even understand yourself better.

Final Thoughts

The digital age offers endless opportunities, but only to those who are willing to take responsibility, confront discomfort, and keep improving.

Becoming a man today means embracing the hard truths most avoid.

Because at the end of the day, success isn’t about luck. It’s about who you become when life tests you the most.

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Change Your Mindset

The Four Types of Happiness: Which One Are You Living In?

Most people chase success only to find emptiness, this model reveals why true happiness lies somewhere else.

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In a world driven by rapid technological growth and constant competition, many people unknowingly trade joy for achievement. (more…)

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Change Your Mindset

The Secret Daily Routines Behind History’s Most Brilliant Thinkers

Uncover the daily rituals and hidden habits that powered history’s most brilliant minds to success.

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Why Daily Rituals Matter

Every great achiever has one thing in common: discipline. Behind the novels, inventions, discoveries, and masterpieces are small, consistent habits repeated daily. (more…)

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Finances

From Debt to Financial Independence: A Practical Roadmap Anyone Can Follow

It’s about having control over your money and not letting money control you.

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The 21st century has brought incredible opportunities but also new challenges. Rapid technological change, global uncertainty, and shifting lifestyles have made many people think more deeply about financial freedom. (more…)

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