How to Get Out of a Quarter Life Crisis When Your Job Looks Great on Paper

How to get out of a quarter life crisis starts with admitting that a job can look great on paper and still be wrong for you. Adam Smiley Poswolsky, author of The Quarter-Life Breakthrough, says the way out is to get clear on what you actually want, set an intention instead of waiting for one perfect calling, ask yourself what the worst that could happen really is, and surround yourself with people who believe in where you’re going. You don’t need the whole map. You need the next jump.

Adam works with a lot of millennials and is a big believer in chasing the entrepreneurial dream, which I believe in too. If you’re passionate about life, you’ve got to take life by the horns and really run with it.

And he’s far from alone. In a LinkedIn survey of more than 6,000 people aged 25 to 33, 75% said they’d experienced a quarter-life crisis, with 27 as the average age. The top cause, named by 61%, was finding a job or career they’re passionate about.

When the job looks great on paper

Adam’s own crisis hit at 28. He was working for the federal government in Washington, D.C. The salary was good. He had benefits and a 401(k). “Everyone when I went to happy hour was like, ‘Oh, your job’s great. You’re killing it,'” he said. “And meanwhile, I knew that I wasn’t happy.”

That’s what makes a quarter life crisis so confusing. Nothing is visibly broken. You’re doing well by everyone else’s measure, so it feels ungrateful to admit it isn’t working. Adam said 28 felt “young, but also old enough that a lot of people, you think, have it figured out.”

What finally moved him was meeting other young entrepreneurs and innovators who were going after their dreams. Being around them gave him the push to take his own leap.

Set an intention instead of hunting for one passion

I asked Adam how he pinpointed his passion and how he knew for sure it was something he wanted to run with. His answer is useful for anyone stuck waiting for a lightning bolt.

He didn’t have an epiphany. He knew he wasn’t happy in a very bureaucratic job, he knew he wanted to do more creative writing, and he knew he wanted to be around young entrepreneurs. “So, it was more of an intention,” he said. He moved across the country to San Francisco, started a blog, started writing and surrounded himself with people chasing their dreams. That path led to his book and to his work with purpose-driven leaders.

“Here’s my intention. Here’s what I want to be doing. Here’s the environment and the spaces I want to be a part of,” he said. “I’m going to be open to where it takes me.”

That takes the pressure off. You don’t have to name your life’s calling before you move. You only have to move in the direction of what you care about and pay attention to what happens.

You’re allowed more than one passion

I said to Adam that there’s a common misconception that you have one passion and that’s it, and it’s not true. You have multiple passions throughout your lifetime. It’s okay to give something a go, then put it behind you and move to something else to platform up.

Adam agreed. Society wants us to pick one career ladder, one job, one vocation, and he called that idea complete crap. Most people who’ve made an impact, he said, “have had the most windy road you can imagine.” They switch careers at 30 or 40 and treat work like an experimental journey of learning. Grant Cardone made a similar case on the podcast about why you need more than one purpose.

He’s careful not to turn this into an excuse. It doesn’t mean quitting your job every two months, and it doesn’t mean bailing on a company after six months because it got hard. “Everything that’s worth doing is hard,” he said. It means staying open to multiple interests. He’s found the most innovative people are often multi-dimensional, like an engineer who’s also an artist or a founder who’s also a strong writer, because they can bring different people together.

Swap the career ladder for lily pads

In his book, Adam contrasts the traditional career ladder with what he calls a lily pad mindset. On a ladder there’s one way up, and you’re either climbing or falling. Real careers don’t work like that anymore.

“It’s more like jumping from lily pad to lily pad,” he said. Sometimes you go sideways, sometimes backwards, sometimes in a direction nobody expected. “As long as you’re jumping in a direction that reflects your purpose, what you want to be giving to the world, what’s meaningful to you, it’s all good. You’re going to learn something and it’s going to get you closer to where you want to go.”

A quarter life crisis often comes from feeling like you’ve stepped off the ladder and lost your place. The lily pad view says there was never one right place to begin with.

Ask what the worst that could happen really is

A lot of the millennials Adam works with are stepping into the unknown, so I asked him how to work with your fears. He didn’t pretend it was easy. Quitting his job, moving across the country and giving up a steady salary was, in his words, “one of the scariest things in the world.”

Two ideas got him through. First, people mostly regret the things they don’t do. Nobody looks back and wishes they hadn’t tried. Second, he asked himself what the worst outcome really was. For him, it was that the writing wouldn’t work out, he’d struggle to find a new job and he’d go back to a job like the one he’d left. Not perfect, but still a good job. “And you still would have learned something,” he said.

The best case, on the other hand, “is like infinite”: the relationships, the opportunities, the doors you can’t see from where you’re standing.

That exercise works better with real numbers. If you’re thinking about leaving a stable job, work out how many months your savings would cover, what your fallback income would be and what you’d do if the plan takes twice as long. A clear-eyed worst case is far less scary than a vague one.

I told Adam you’ve got to keep that positive mindset all the time, because you never know what’s around the corner.

Do the inner hustle: know your ask

Adam pushed back on the idea that millennials are lazy. The ones he meets are working harder than ever. But he said the hustle that matters most in a quarter life crisis is inner hustle: getting vulnerable about who you are, what you need and what’s meaningful to you, then making the right asks.

“If you don’t know what you need, you can’t get what you want,” he said. Too many people say they’re stuck or interested in “something” without a concrete ask. “It’s really hard for people to help you if you don’t have a concrete ask.”

The other half of inner hustle is self-care. If you’re working 80 hours a week, not exercising, not sleeping and not seeing friends, you won’t be in a place to serve anyone. Adam runs most days, meditates most mornings and writes in his journal daily. He also pushes himself outside his comfort zone on purpose, going to events where he doesn’t know anyone. “I don’t feel very comfortable right now,” he said. “That’s good. That’s a sign that something’s working.”

Build a personal board of advisors

Back in D.C., Adam kept hearing the same response when he said he didn’t like his job: suck it up, everyone hates their job. “That was really brutal,” he said. Now he surrounds himself with believers who tell him to keep going, because things will get hard and “you need believers on your team.”

He takes it further with what he calls a breakthrough advisory team, a personal board of advisors. A company has a board of five or six people who open doors and give advice. You can build your own: people in the field you want to work in, people five to 10 years down the road from you, mentors and people you simply respect. When you’re weighing a transition, those are the people you call.

I told Adam my mentor actually told me something similar: find someone that’s 10 years ahead of you, find someone that’s on your level, and then find someone that’s 10 years younger that you can mentor yourself. The moment I started doing that, I could see that it kept me in the game.

Define success for yourself

When I asked Adam what triggered his shift, he said he simply realized he was 28 and didn’t know what success meant to him. On paper, by the standards of his parents, his co-workers and people he’d meet at a bar, everything looked successful. But success, he said, “is actually figuring out what you want and achieving that. It’s personal.”

He believes everyone knows, deep down, whether they’re working toward something they care about or drifting. “That’s just an internal clock,” he said. If you need a framework for that, start with how to define success for yourself before you chase anyone else’s version.

His biggest regret was not asking himself what he wanted through college and most of his 20s. He spent that time thinking about what was cool and what his friends were doing. He wishes he’d invested more in self-discovery earlier, because plenty of people reach 30, 40 or 50 and still don’t know who they are. It’s a damn shame.

Fail early, fail often, and take the shot

The advice Adam kept hearing from the people around him was to fail early and fail often, especially when you’re young and the stakes are lower. “Failure is often where success comes from,” he said. An accountability buddy also asked him a question that stuck: “Why would you be doing anything less than reaching your full potential in life?”

I like that, fail your way to success. I brought up Kobe Bryant, who set the NBA record for the most missed shots, and what that shows you: even though he missed all those shots, he got a lot in too. Adam pointed to the famous line usually credited to Wayne Gretzky, that you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. Even Michael Jordan, even Kobe Bryant, they’re not going to hit them all, but they have to shoot them. You have to go for it.

Write it down and test your idea in public

Adam admits he thought vision boards were silly when his roommates made them. He avoided it for two weeks, then sat down and made one, and says everything on it came true. His bigger point is simple: “If you write down your goals and you write down things you care about, they might happen. If you don’t write them down, they won’t happen.” I said write it down every day if you can. He suggested putting your three big goals on a sticky note on your desk.

He also tested his own idea before it existed. He ran an Indiegogo campaign for his book before he’d written most of it and says he raised almost $13,000 from more than 500 supporters in 38 countries. That gave him money for an editor and designer, but more importantly a proof of concept and a community. His lesson: skip chasing giant media outlets and find the smaller, passionate communities already talking about your topic. You’ve got to niche it up and focus on the niche.

When I asked for his last 30 seconds of advice to a room full of millennials, he said: “We are not the me-me generation. We are the purpose generation… take the time to figure out who you are and what you want and go after your dreams.”

How to get out of a quarter life crisis: a checklist

1. Name what’s wrong, even if the job looks great on paper.
2. Write one intention for the kind of work and people you want around you.
3. Give yourself permission to have more than one passion.
4. Write down the real worst case, including how long your savings last.
5. Figure out your concrete ask before you ask anyone for help.
6. Protect a few daily rituals: movement, rest, writing or reflection.
7. Build a personal board of five or so advisors and believers.
8. Run a small test of your idea before making the big jump.

FAQ

How do you get out of a quarter life crisis?

Get clear on what you actually want, set an intention instead of waiting for one perfect passion, test ideas in small steps and surround yourself with believers. Adam Smiley Poswolsky calls this a quarter-life breakthrough.

How common is a quarter life crisis?

Very common. A LinkedIn survey of more than 6,000 people aged 25 to 33 found 75% had experienced one, with 27 as the average age. Finding a career they’re passionate about was the top cause.

Is it okay to have more than one passion?

Yes. Adam Poswolsky says most people who make an impact take a winding road and change careers more than once. Multiple interests can make you better at connecting people and ideas.

Should I quit my job during a quarter life crisis?

Not on impulse. Map the real worst case, including savings and a fallback plan, test your next step on the side and get advice from people already doing what you want.

What is a personal board of advisors?

It’s a small group of mentors, peers and people a few years ahead of you in your field who you can call for advice and introductions when you’re making a big career decision.