The Top 5 Regrets In Life By Those About to Die

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To all my readers out there, sorry to bring down the mood on this one, but I believe this post you are about to read will be a life changing article in the way that you see your life and how you are living it at the moment. This article is written by Bronnie Ware, a palliative care worker who has worked with a countless number of patients who are sadly seeing their last days on earth. When Bronnie had questioned the patients about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

The Top 5 Regrets In Life By Those About To Die

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way.

From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard – This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship.

Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings – Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends – Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier
This is a surprisingly common one.

Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice.

They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

By Bronnie Ware – Purchase Bronnie Wares full – length book:

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141 Comments

1. 

   Shahinul Huda Jewel

   December 7, 2011 at 6:35 am

   Being a Muslim I believe in Allah…..And firmly believe nothing happen without his instruction….. We should raise our life they way Allah Subhanwatala asked to to live Through Holy Quraan. I would request you all to read Quran once at least and trust me your vision would be crystal Clear….. We ran towards name and fame money and earthly wealth…..But all these things would not go along with you while you will die. This life is not the real life….Life hereafter is the main life where some of us would lead to heaven and some of us would lead to hell due to our good deeds and bad deeds.

   at the age of 43 I looked back and found I did all the wrong things which Allah asked not to do and now I feel ashamed of my self and asking forgiveness for my miss deeds. I believe Allah will forgive me as the is the most merciful and oft forgiving…..

   Yes good Health is a best gift from Almighty Allah so we should use it for good purpose. And we should nt repent while we are sick……

   Friends are needed in a life time but choose your friend carefully….. Good friends are an asset in life here and hereafter.
   Bad friends and companion would cause disaster in your life here and hereafter.

   Pay attention to your family ….Parents on priority…..Parents are the most uncompromisable relation we have from Almighty Allah. Mother and Father is the best gift we got from Allah…..So please take care of them the way they took care of you since are a kids.

   Be grateful to your creatures all the time. And Say Alhamdulillah ( All praise to Allah ) all the time…..

   Please read Quran and Change your life…..Its a guide book from Almighty Allah…… May Allah forgive us and guide us all the way towards Jannah (Heaven )…..Take care and stay with love of Allah Subhan watala……Allahu Akbar…..

   Reply
2. 

   G

   December 7, 2011 at 5:04 pm

   One thing that I learned relatively late in life, and that matches most of the points mentioned is; be true to yourself!

   If you don’t match the “norm” (perhaps you’re fat, have a fetisch, have green hair or have a strange hobby), doesn’t mean that you that your are worth less than an Average Joe.

   Reply
3. 

   disapponted and beat down

   December 8, 2011 at 6:00 am

   No matter how hard I try, the system beats me down, the jobs are not there, the EX refuses to allow me contact with my daughters who I love and miss deeply. I made a mistake and had to take a misdemeanor which causes me to be passed over for good jobs. Christmas is around the corner and I will be homeless, alone, deeper in despair. Allow the heavens to take me, embrace me for this earth is an empty place.

   Reply
   • 

     Viktor

     December 8, 2011 at 11:16 am

     Hi ‘disapponted and beat down’ – I just read your message and it got to me. I don’t know who you are or where you are, but all I can say, is that I have been where you seem to be now. About 10 years ago, I felt a similar kind of despair and longing for ‘the heavens to take me’. And no-one in the world would have been able to change my mind.

     Yet here I am, sharing a few words with you. I cannot change your situation, all I can say is that you are not alone, eventhough that may sound a bit ‘weak’. You can write me, I can listen and perhaps offer a few words of advise. Give it a chance, give it some time – and keep me (us) posted!

     Reply
4. 

   Next Gen

   December 8, 2011 at 8:46 pm

   These are baby boomer regrets. I don’t know anyone 30-40 who has any trouble with these issues. I’m nervous that by spreading this kind of list without that context, our generation will go too far in the other direction becoming lazy, over expressing and emotional socialites.

   Reply
5. 

   Never Alone

   December 8, 2011 at 11:06 pm

   Disappointed and beat down,

   There was a time in my life when I wouldn’t have believed what I am about to say. You are never alone. People will hurt you because we are imperfect. But the perfect blood of Christ Jesus will never disappoint you. His friendship is never failing. The Bible teaches us that all we need to accept this relationship is to believe in your heart that God sent his son Jesus to die for our sin, and then he raised him from the grave to be a living friend for us and offer us an eternal life in Heaven. I don’t have to know you in order to love you, just like God loves you. God will decide when each of us depart this earth. Until then, pull out the Bible and read what God teaches us about healing relationships. There is nothing you can do that makes you unloveable in the eyes of God. He made you. Open your heart.

   Reply
   • 

     Kathleen

     December 10, 2011 at 6:13 am

     Thank you for speaking so honestly. It’s so refreshing to hear TRUTH spoken out! I add my AMEN to your comments!

     Reply
6. 

   Michael

   December 9, 2011 at 2:56 am

   It seems as you get older, you are easier scared, you become accustom to a certain lifestyle you have surrounded your self with and fear can cause 4 out of these top 5 regrets. The 1st or 5th regret I left out was working too hard, however you have to work that hard before your realize you squandered you dreams by societies temptations and normalcy. Your never too…. To Change!
   Happy Holidays to all, and always take an extra moment for your family, regardless- Pleasant or Unpleasant, at least you tried, NO REGRETS!

   Reply
7. 

   bev

   December 9, 2011 at 12:02 pm

   i wish i had the courage to do no.1 & 5
   i have felt like this for long time, even before my break up with my ex and now this place where i live is just full of so many bad memories and a constant reminder of how unhappy i am. i wish i had the courage and confidence to start my life over again somewhere new. but where do i start? you need to know what you are doing surely and i do not have a clue (lol) its a very scary thought & with so many different commitments its easier said than done. how does one start again at the age of 43?
   i feel like life is just passing me by

   Reply
   • 

     Paula

     December 10, 2011 at 4:40 am

     43 is young my dear! Perhaps you are still holding on to the past, and that itself is keeping you from moving forward. I recommend “The Language of Letting Go” by Melony Beatie. You will have a better picture ahead of you, just stay focused! The best years are yet to come!

     Reply
     • 

       bev

       December 10, 2011 at 12:19 pm

       i loved this article it made me both happy and sad as i dont know how and where to turn to start making the changes in my life – but i will give it a go. anything is worth a try.
       thanks paula

       Reply
   • 

     Victor

     December 13, 2011 at 3:26 pm

     Hi Bev:

     I am 42 years old and have been rebuilding my life for the last two years since my marriage fell apart and I was left not only with the normal sense of failure, a future destroyed, etc., but also with the fact that my ex had used by complete trust in her to forge my name on loan documents which essentially made me completely broke. I lost my dream house which I had spent most of my adult life buidling and improving with my own hands, horses, land, etc., and I now live in a small apartment and am rebuidling my life from the ground up. This might sound like a bad thing, but it has been absolutely tremendous. I have come to realize that all those attachments which I held so dear were simply weighing me down (and by attachments I mean possessions, memories, misguided feelings of obligation, blame for betrayal, etc.) It is so important to recognize that, as we go along the path, we are encouraged by our society – and our ego – to pick up everything shiny we can find forgetting that everything we pick up along the way we need to carry on our back and, in time, all this stuff gets pretty heavy. Therefore, to be happy, we must simplify all aspects of our lives from our physical possessions, to our attachments, to our cherised beliefs. Simplify, simplify, simplify! The world is a beautiful place regardless of what life throws at you…and that comes from a guy who knows. If I could give you one bit of advice…it would be to calm down, meditate on your fears and anxieties, and try to discover what is blocking you from making the decisions you need to make. You will find the answers if you just allow yourself to see clearly and have faith in the power of your mind. I would also strongly recommend the book “Radical Acceptance” by Tara Brach…it is an absolute eye opener and it will change your life. Good luck my friend…you will get through it.

     Reply
     • 

       bev

       December 14, 2011 at 12:05 pm

       wow victor, you sound like you’ve been through the mill and back and made it through the other end – which is great to hear.
       i’ve been thinking about this article alot since reading it and i’ve got to say i’ve been feeling really possative and determined to make the changes that need to be made.
       for the first time i’ve actually started to look into moving away and it actually seems possible.
       & i am also going to read that book
       thanks victor

       Reply
8. 

   Zac

   December 9, 2011 at 4:32 pm

   This is a weird thing. I‘m trying to draw the distinction between a “free spirit” and someone who truly wish to avoid having these regrets at the end of their life. A “free spirit” to me is someone flighty and irresponsible. They can take care of themselves but no one else. At an early age, I’ve witnessed lives ending too soon and unfulfilled. I know it affected my personality. Wanting to avoid regrets makes you think different and make different choices. Unlike the “free spirit”, you don’t shun your responsibilities. You care for the people in your lives and take on their burdens. But you do it in a different way that many consider odd. Just the #1 regret alone can alienate most people. How often has being told “you’re not who I thought you were” been a good thing.
   I think it’s the manner in which we achieve the things in our lives that matter. And it’s the manner that is most common and socially acceptable which leads to the regrets at the end of one’s life. Being a “free spirit” can be accepted, but being the person it takes to avoid these regrets is not. You look like everyone else but you’re not. You do the things everyone does but not the same way. You aspire to the same things but those things have a different meaning. I talk with god but he seems to tell me different things. The differences don’t go unnoticed. It can be weird and scary to others. You will be judged.
   In the end I guess it’s about freedom. I want a home for my family. I want nice things (not extravagant). I want to consider myself successful. I don’t want to be a slave.

   Reply
9. 

   edie

   December 9, 2011 at 8:04 pm

   life is to short to live in regret. think positive and positive things will begin for u

   Reply
10. 

    Riece

    December 9, 2011 at 10:40 pm

    Worked in Hospice for many years and regarded dying as a chapter in life. Most of the incredible people I had the privilege of meeting were ready to pass into the next chapter. Their final chapter on earth could not be compared to their beautiful spirits. We all have some regrets in life, but hopefully they are few and those regrets are not what makes us who we are…..it is the joy and beauty in our lives that should define us. It is our relationships, our friends, our individual spirit and personalities that make us the special person we are. Happiness is truly a choice. we will always have fears and tragedies in life, but if we keep moving forward and remember to smile, be kind, care for ourselves and others with love and embrace the life we are living, we should be able to pass on with a true light heart and smile on our face.

    Reply