The Top 5 Regrets In Life By Those About to Die

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To all my readers out there, sorry to bring down the mood on this one, but I believe this post you are about to read will be a life changing article in the way that you see your life and how you are living it at the moment. This article is written by Bronnie Ware, a palliative care worker who has worked with a countless number of patients who are sadly seeing their last days on earth. When Bronnie had questioned the patients about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

The Top 5 Regrets In Life By Those About To Die

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way.

From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard – This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship.

Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings – Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends – Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier
This is a surprisingly common one.

Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice.

They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

By Bronnie Ware – Purchase Bronnie Wares full – length book:

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141 Comments

1. 

   Elton

   November 30, 2011 at 1:52 pm

   I have recently begun a new life and I must say this is one of the the saddest and most beautiful things I have read!

   Reply
   • 

     Joel

     November 30, 2011 at 2:00 pm

     Thank you Elton. I believe everyone needs to read this for sure. Great to hear you have begun a new life!

     Reply
   • 

     John Allen

     December 8, 2011 at 5:28 pm

     How does one “begin a new life”???

     Reply
     • 

       Randy

       December 8, 2011 at 10:28 pm

       Accept Christ into your heart…He simply asks us to turn from sin, ask Him for forgiveness of sin and recieve Him into your heart.

       Reply
2. 

   Abdul Malik Omar

   November 30, 2011 at 3:27 pm

   Nice webpage and nice article!

   Reply
3. 

   Ian

   November 30, 2011 at 3:51 pm

   Today is my 29th birthday (Nov 30th) and I think I needed to read this. I have been trying to change my life for a while now and I seem unable to truly let go and live the life I want and deserve. This article has helped motivate me to really look at what is important in my life and what I need to change. Still a very scary road though. I really don’t feel like I’ve lived and missed out on a lot of what other people did in their teens and twenties. I have a lot of regrets and I can’t give them up no matter what I do. I think I may be close to the Tipping Point but I have no idea how to tip the scales over and start the life I want.
   I wish someone could show me.
   Brilliant article though. One minor point though, in the intro, it needs amending. Can you ask who wrote, did they mean patients as in the people, not patience as it is written?
   Thanks, Ian

   Reply
   • 

     Joel

     December 1, 2011 at 6:14 am

     Hey Ian, I’m glad you really like this. Thanks for the heads up on the typo! Enjoy Life bro!

     Reply
     • 

       Shane Taber

       December 4, 2011 at 8:34 am

       Also, too, it should read “countless number of patients,” not “or”. Much food for serious thought. Thank you.

       Reply
   • 

     Dice

     December 4, 2011 at 3:06 pm

     Hi Ian,
     My son shares a birthday with you and just turned 13. One day he’ll be your age and if he’s confuse at that time as to how he should live, I’d tell him to be good to others, be considerate of the people around you especially those you love, it really makes up for some of that regret. Simplify your life so you can do the things you love to do, so doing the things you have to do won’t be so bad. I recently realized how unhappy I am at my current job, so much that I am physically ill some mornings just thinking about going to work. My saving grace was to go to church and have fellowship with others. I’ve regained a sense of peace for the time being so that I have been able to reevaluate some things and I’m on the road to making myself happy again. Take care of yourself, I hope you find your way to contentment and if you walk past a church walk in and see what happens.

     Reply
   • 

     Saundra

     December 7, 2011 at 12:40 am

     Ian – first, happy birthday (belated). I know it may not seem so but you are so young. I remember feeling so old when I was your age and only now realize that the chronological age is not as important as the “life in your years” – the wonderful thing about waking up each day is that YOU get to decide….everything! How you work, where you live, the people you love. There are many things you can do to shape your journey. If you are seeking a mentor, find someone who is living the life you want to live and ask them to talk with you. If you don’t have that person in your immediate universe, listen to your inner voice. Learn more about what is TRULY important to you and follow that voice. Life is good and everyday above ground is a good day if you make it so.

     Reply
   • 

     Qew

     December 7, 2011 at 5:24 am

     To Ian, you had mentioned the word, “I” more than 20 times. Very self-centered aren’t you?

     Reply
     • 

       Elise Marie

       December 9, 2011 at 12:15 am

       Qew, that is what this article is about- rethinking OUR lives and understanding OURselves. So yes, at a time like this in Ian’s or any other’s life, you would primarily be thinking about yourself. Because the truth of the matter is, we cannot begin to help others until we are happy with ourselves.

       Reply
   • 

     Carruthers

     December 9, 2011 at 8:39 am

     Ian, At first glance it might seem like a ‘scary’ road, but really, what’s scary about leaving a situation you don’t want to be in, for one that you do? That’s not scary, it’s just sensible Obviously I don’t know what you want from life, but for me personally, I quit a good job and went to the other side of the world to teach English. That allowed me to save a lot more money, travel a lot more, and meet my wife ( a Korean). It was honestly the best decision I ever made. At the time people said “Oh that’s really brave.” But if it had all gone wrong, all I had to do was cut my losses and try something else. As the article mentioned, avoiding risk and choosing what’s comfortable and safe is certainly not the way to happiness. Figure out what you want to do, and then just do it mate. Good luck!

     Reply
4. 

   lori

   December 1, 2011 at 5:54 am

   may i post this on my twitter? i will reference you. won’t do it until you reply

   Reply
   • 

     Joel

     December 1, 2011 at 6:12 am

     Hey Lori, you may share this with whoever you like. Thanks for asking and thank you for the support.

     Reply
5. 

   Termie

   December 1, 2011 at 10:34 am

   I started my new, true life a decade ago. My family, one by one, rejected me, or treated me so unfairly I had to reject them. It was good to see the acknowledgment that sometimes we must let go of those who insist on keeping us in old, unhealthy roles. I plan to print this article, send it to each of my family members, wish them well, and let go of my struggle for their unconditional acceptance. Thank you for this gift, I needed it.

   Reply
   • 

     Kathleena

     December 7, 2011 at 3:39 am

     I hear what you’re saying, Tamie. Along with releasing attachment to the drama of my family relationships, I have also been mindful of praying for the healing of my ancestry. Namely, let it go, release the past, hold compassion in my heart for the human experience, live life forward. Not always easy, but full of possibility. I hold you in my thoughts. Namaste’

     Reply
6. 

   morose

   December 1, 2011 at 2:06 pm

   This is really tough. As I read the top 1 regret, I thought to myself that I should muster all courage and tell my husband that I want to get into a residency program. I know I should fight for it this time. I feel that I should make more of myself and I know that if it’s my “dream” to be a specialist, I should pursue it. I’m too old to wait another year. The problem came when I read the top 2 regret. If I get into residency, I won’t have enough time for my family for the next 3 years or so. What to do? What to do? I’m just so fickle minded and I feel that I’ll end up in regret no matter what I choose! This post helped a lot of people, for sure, but in my case, I ended up more confused… *sigh*

   Reply
   • 

     Eli

     December 5, 2011 at 9:17 am

     morose: 3 years of specialty residency is nothing compared to the 30+ years of having a great lifestyle as a practicing specialist. General practitioners usually get the short end of the stick compared to a specialist in terms of hours worked vs compensation… The choice is actually quite easy, especially if you are saying that it’s your personal “dream” to specialize. The key to this article is to pursue your passions, and it is true that most of our lives are spent working so choose a career that you will love.

     Reply
   • 

     MoMo

     December 6, 2011 at 4:52 pm

     Leaving lifestyle and compensation aside, I know 3 years of residency are tough, but you can still enjoy your family as much as you can on your days (or hours) off. I think you should interpret 1 and 2 in a different way, creating a ‘balance’ of both thoughts. Achieve your own goals, allow for others around you to do so too, and spend time with your family as much as you can, don’t be workaholic if it’s unnecessary, in the long run, your children, if any, will also be happy to know that you fulfilled one of your greatest dreams.

     Reply
7. 

   Lindsay | The Daily Awe

   December 1, 2011 at 2:53 pm

   Powerful article – thank you for sharing Bronnie’s observations. It’s never too late to turn things around (until it is…). I’ll share this article – more people need to read this!

   Reply
8. 

   Monique

   December 1, 2011 at 5:26 pm

   This article brought me to tears. I am recovering from back surgery and the time off has made me realize that I desperately need to make some changes. I need to go back to work but I don’t want to do my old job b/c I hated it and was going nowhere. Since my health has declined I wonder how to get on the road to a better life. Thanks for making me really reconsider my life path.

   Reply
9. 

   Lisa C

   December 1, 2011 at 9:26 pm

   Some years ago I left a dead marriage – that took lots of will power & the worry over ‘what people would think’ nearly stopped me. I’m sure the ‘dead’ emotional feelings I had started the cancer I had to fight. The most amazing thing is after I left that marriage my life turned around. I was amazed at the support my friends gave me, I also now have a new set of wonderful friends as well. I am now in a new relationship & the cancer is hopefully gone. I have manifested so many wonderful people & my life is as I wished for. I agree, don’t live your life as you ‘think’ others want you too, you are the one living you life NOT them. Good luck everyone.

   Reply
   • 

     Joel

     December 1, 2011 at 11:36 pm

     That is truly Amazing Lisa, you have come a long way. Keep enjoying life. Don’t let it get the best of you and don’t forget to smile along the way =)

     Reply
     • 

       Lisa C

       December 2, 2011 at 11:00 pm

       Thankyou Joel, it was difficult but oh so worth it. Yes I keep smiling. Wishing you all the best, Lisa.

       Reply
10. 

    tim

    December 1, 2011 at 10:18 pm

    Best article I’ve read in a month!

    I’m so stoked my friend emailed me the link. I sent out an email with an eBook I am giving away and one of the readers sent me here.

    You and I are on the same page. I’m going to find you on twitter.

    Thanks for writing.

    T S McAuley
    http://isitallaboutme.com

    Reply
    • 

      Joel

      December 1, 2011 at 11:35 pm

      That is Awesome. Thank you so much for sharing the article Tim.

      Reply